As it is Mental Health Awareness Week I take the opportunity to reflect on how crucial mental health is and what in my experience greatly contributes to it. Although I have been deprived of physical health and very limited for most of my life, it was when my mental health was not robust that I suffered the most: the physical problems I face daily are nothing compared to the agony and isolation that lasting emotional pain can bring. I like to face this squarely and be here for myself, because feeling centered and stable is by far the most important thing in my life—no amount of positive circumstances will ever matter to me unless I am stable enough to enjoy them and sustain them.
So when do we need to be concerned about our mental health?
It's perfectly natural and totally human to experience what we call "negative" emotions, that's simply part of any life experience. There needn't always be a reason for feeling terrible and it need not be "rational" or justified. So let's take it easy if we are having a bad day. Let's rest in the knowing that we don't need to obsess about finding the cause for it. Like clouds in the sky, like flowers in the garden, feelings pass along, blooming and receding without any intervention needed. We might prefer lots of gorgeous flowers and clear skies, but everything will appear regardless of our preferences. All feelings are valid, and they can even point us towards what we need, want, and what needs to change. Acknowledging that can go a long way towards caring for our mental health.
Equally, if the emotional pain is severe and persistant, we have to pay attention to it. It is crucial not to ignore that we are in pain, not to just hope it will go away. There are times where we can see that our mental health might benefit from more support. It might still be taboo and there might be feelings of inadequacy around it, but we need to do what is best for ourselves regardless of what others think, regardless of what we think! It is ourselves we have to live with, so it's important to take care of ourselves.
If my difficult emotional states interfere with my day-to-day life, my capacity to function, to do what is needed and to respond beneficially, then I know I need more support. If it goes on for more than a few days in a row without the clouds lifting, I just ask for help. No need to add another layer of misery by isolating myself and focusing on shame. Helping myself and asking for help is what makes me strong, resilient, and what helps me to grow.
What kind of help I need depends on what kind of difficulties I am experiencing. Knowing ourselves well in order to meet our needs is key. I highlight below what that can look like for me, from the simple things to more persistant and complicated issues...
Do I need more self-care?
I am a great believer in self-care and I always start there if I feel a bit off. Very often the simple act of self-grooming, gently stretching, having a nap, a bath or a nutritious meal will help me to powerfully reconnect to my body instead of swimming in my difficult thoughts and feelings with no way out. Each time I ask myself what I need, it becomes easier to listen to the answer and to meet that need as well as possible in that moment.
Do I need pain relief?
It could be that I am in so much physical pain that my brain chemistry is completely off and I simply can't cope with daily life. In that case getting natural pain relief is what I need in order to feel happier. Osteopathy has been helpful in such cases, as are hot water bottles, herbal teas, essential oils and Epsom salt baths. I can also tweak my diet, stretch regularly and change my sleeping habits until I notice long-term relief.
Do I need my friends?
It could be that I feel isolated or alienated, and in that case a deep and meaningful chat with a dear trusted friend will be very helpful, where my need is to phrase what is difficult, to be heard, to normalise everything, to ask questions and listen to their experience, feedback and support. That can be priceless and really shift things quickly. I am so grateful to all dear friends who are here for me. Just look at this beautiful bunch of sweet people!
Do I need professional support?
Maybe I am stuck in a pattern that no longer serves, or maybe something very difficult happened. In which case I have found that hypnotherapy and brief therapy have brought tremendous and lasting support, allowing me to focus on what truly matters instead of being crushed by emotional dips and trauma. For me these therapies have worked immediately and irreversibly for very tender and difficult experiences. Different therapies work for different people and we might have to kiss a few frogs before we find what works for us. My advice is to not give up and keep on looking for what really works. It is really worth it and can completely upgrade our quality of life and our capacity to contribute to the world.
Am I tired? Am I hungry? Am I upset?
Sometimes the solution can be deceptively simple. I read somewhere that we can ask ourselves three questions when we, or someone we know, is acting out of sorts: "Are they tired? Are they hungry? Are they upset?" Those are questions we routinely ask when toddlers are not happy! Try and ask yourself these three simple questions when you notice you are off-balance. Try and gently meet those needs for someone else when you notice they are off. Let's take this seriously and accept that as adults, we have the exact same needs as toddlers. We can be our own parents and meet those needs head-on with compassion and responsibility.
Do I need alone time?
Sometimes what I need is time to myself, offline, lots of peace, silence, space and a fertile ground to sow the seeds of my creativity. I am happy in that space, and it is my responsibility to make room for it in my life, as I know it directly contributes to my emotional wellbeing. I have observed many times that if I spend more than a few days without being able to focus on creativity, I quickly spin off balance. Maybe you need alone time enjoying sports, nature, pampering or cooking... Whatever it is, try to identify it and really make space for it. The benefits are indescribably generous, and it is far from being self-centered, because ultimately, recharging our batteries is the best way to be available to those we love.
Do I need a challenge?
Sometimes I need to be stretched and challenged, I need to learn something new, reactivate an old skill that has gone rusty, deepen some knowledge. Challenge isn't always a stressful thing; it can be wonderfully invigorating. Obviously, I am not talking about putting myself in dangerous situations to get some sort of thrill—I am not interested in traumatising myself! What I am talking about here is testing myself in a balanced way to see what I am capable of. Starting this blog and keeping it going is a good example of a healthy challenge for me. Working on a new design, a difficult bit of blanket, carrying on with a painting even when I find it testing, are also stretches I enjoy. It can quickly boost self-esteem and confidence.
Is it time for bed?
Sometimes I need complete rest. There is a particular circumstance for me that always derails me, and that is extreme exhaustion. Sadly, due to the chronic illness I live with, extreme exhaustion is a regular visitor to my days! When it happens, I know my mind will plunge into miserable ramblings. It will focus on everything that seems to be wrong in my life and in the world, I will feel dissatisfied, abandoned, hopeless and weepy. There is only one thing that cures that: sleep! Although I might feel like I need company, like I need to talk endlessly about my problems, what I really need is time alone to sleep it off. Zzzzzz...
Do I need to play and dream?
When I take myself too seriously, distraction can be most helpful. Many of us get those days where we just want to complain, feel grumpy and dark. On such days the power of distraction can be miraculous. Watching something that makes me laugh, my favourite TV series, listening to an audiobook, playing with my dog friend, looking after my plants, daydreaming... it can all help to switch off—no need to let grumpiness lead the day.
Do I need to get out?
Sometimes I need fresh air and nature. I know too well the feeling of being cooped up at home, and many of my blog posts here address how to deal with that gracefully while staying sane. But even I sometimes really need to get out, and I am lucky to have friends who can take me out when I am well enough. I also enjoy a lovely garden where I can see a wide expanse of nature, treasure my plants, look at the bees and the butterflies.
Fresh air is one of our top medicines and can do wonders. I love the immersive qualities that nature provides and I have always enjoyed noticing details and mini worlds, so that within a very small space of outdoors, I can still get lost and truly forget my woes. Chemically, it has been proven that fresh air and soil are full of beneficial elements for us to breathe in, sunlight is good for our health, and personally I am in love with the smell of the breeze, the rain, tree bark and moss! They always cheer me up and reconnect me to essential simplicity.
Do I need a furry friend?
Sometimes I need what I call the "velvet comfort" of my animal buddies. Often I am too unwell to speak and just want to be near something warm, furry, playful and caring. I often mention on this blog how treasured and supportive my animal friends are. Looking at them, cuddling them, playing with them and just having them near me is a huge boost for me. I feel very honoured that this is possible and it always helps me.
