Reflecting on what self-care means to me, what it brings to my life, I have come to phrase it this way: self-care is meeting myself where I’m at. Depending on where I’m at, I will have a menu of options to take care of myself, but one constant is embracing what gives me joy as often as possible—especially when life feels very challenging.
When life is very challenging it can be very natural to get stuck in rumination, grief, anger… The art of healing is in being able to make space throughout the day for little bubbles of joy and peace and integrating that as a healthy habit. Paying attention to what makes us feel more aligned with the feelings of safety and joy is a huge skill to develop in life, and comes to be essential when we go through the rough patches.
For example, I invariably feel better when I give some attention to observing nature and look after my plants and flowers. Just taking two minutes to look at them, really looking, as if seeing them for the first time, can reset me in spectacular ways.
Nature works especially well for me because it is always changing, and I get so much joy from seeing the tiny daily changes. There is always something new to see, in every season and every weather, without needing to go very far. It’s so refreshing to connect with my surroundings and really notice them as they evolve through the seasons.
For a very long time I dismissed the idea of the “inner child” as complete nonsense. But I have to admit that as I learned to pay attention to that little one within me, I have gained so much more capacity for joy, resilience and creativity. Giving myself permission to embrace what gives joy to my inner child has been incredibly, fun, touching and healing.
As an adult, there are many things I enjoy, and which I embrace too, such as unlimited amounts of crochet work, and I allow myself to embrace that unwavering passion. For me that is always a space of safety, stimulating challenge and relaxing activity, which the inner child in me also enjoys deeply.
When we pay attention to our playful self and meet those needs, we don’t become more irresponsible or more childish. On the contrary, it fuels us for those times where we need to be in full grown-up mode, the tough challenges that demand all our focus and resilience. Play and fun always support us in the long-term, and they are essential to adults too, not just for children. And it’s always good to remember that being childlike is not the same as being childish.
What that looks like will be different for each of us. For me, there is a lot of time devoted to creativity with a focus on channeling, rather than controlling, the outcome of my creations. With the attitude of being open, curious and allowing space for the unplanned, for unavoidable mistakes and accidents, my creative practice becomes a beautiful training ground for the bigger picture of life with all its uncertainty.
Observing bees and butterflies in the garden is also something that brings me inexpressible joy and relaxation. To take in the immense and complex systems of our universes in the simple observation of bees, the delightful mystery of how they operate as a whole composed of so many parts, and their immediate responsivity to the slightest change in temperature, season and weather, is unendingly joyful for me.
Another way I cultivate and embrace joy in my life is with miniature worlds. I am forever tickled by the adorable quality of tiny things and collect various miniature objects and realistic animals. They always make me smile and bring relaxation and gentle stimulation to my days.
I create those mini worlds all over the house and garden, and I love finding them in nature, in the tiniest, seemingly unremarkable corners. It is one of my main focus when I spend time outside. This completely fuels the “grown-up” side of my creativity: whenever I create a painting or a throw, it is always a mini world, a piece of the land I inhabit, and a superb way to take care of myself and to embrace what gives me joy while paying tribute to what I love most in life.
While focusing here on what brings us joy, I also want to emphasize the importance of erasing misery-inducers in our lives. Looking at our life with curiosity, our everyday habits, and gently asking ourselves: where do I insist on bringing more fear, more uncertainty, more anger in my life? And is it necessary, or can I just remove it? A simple example for me would be that I don’t watch the news.
I keep myself informed, but I stay well away from certain types of media. I know it’s a controversial choice for some, but I can’t emphasize enough the freedom it gives me: making these choices daily allows me to reclaim myself, my energy, my focus, and what I believe in. It supports me to build a life that is richer, where I am not so easily swayed by the perpetual ups and downs of an unrelenting paranoia-inducing system. My priority goes to making my nervous system settled so that I can create a corner of the world that is vibrant, peaceful, clear and kind, where more of what I want is allowed to happen.
By making space for more joy in our life, by giving more attention to our inner child and less attention to fear, we make space for fresh creativity, a special innocence flavoured and strengthened by everything we have learned as an adult. We increase our capacity to enjoy life in an unburdened, but totally responsible way.
My invitation is to wonder what that looks like for you: what small or big things do you notice you are not fully allowing yourself to embrace? What things make you feel consistently worse? I can guarantee that making these tiny changes throughout the day is always life-giving and life-changing. Importantly, it inspires others to do the same so that we can each create our lovely corners of the world, where safety, vibrancy, clarity and kindness are allowed to be core values.
I feel that there is such a dire need for noticing and cultivating ordinary miracles in our society, such as choosing to read a book instead of watching the news, planting flowers and watching them bloom, remembering to listen to the wind and enjoy the rain on our faces, to name just a few. The powerful effects of such a lifestyle are so underrated. It is not about having to find more time for yet another thing to do; it is about using our time differently and really paying attention to what we focus on, and how it makes us feel. What supports us to function well? What makes it very challenging to function well?
Passions and hobbies are important to me because they offer me a space to regulate my emotions, get to know myself, process my experience and strengthen resilience. All this results in enhancing my quality of life, while producing beautiful things and honouring nature and people.
While some of our hobbies and passions might feel futile or downright useless, it’s important to realise that all that matters is that they bring us joy and invite us to relax the terrible tension of living in a very stressful world. Bringing joy to our awareness repeatedly is an excellent way to relax the obsession for control. It prevents and heals the corrosive effects of stress, busyness, depression and many other epidemic problems of our modern age. It helps us to relax with the fear of uncertainty. It reconnects us to our natural state of trust and strength.
We start to really see the power of embracing what brings us joy on those days where we struggle and might need to support ourselves with more commitment and compassion. I truly believe in cultivating joy like a muscle until our capacity for resilience and real self-care becomes more and more effective and natural.
Feel free to let me know in the comments how you embrace what gives you joy! The more we share, the more we can inspire each other and help to make the world as good as it can be.
Until next time, take good care.
