Welcome to the cosy slow living blog. As promised, today I will share some of my self-soothing rituals. Whether you have 20 seconds or 20 minutes, you can practice self-soothing throughout the day with wonderful results. If you missed the last post about the benefits of self-soothing, have a little look there and then come back to discover some easy ways to self-soothe.
And just a gentle reminder that self-soothing is not selfish, it is discerning: by giving ourselves these few precious moments of tender welcoming and care, we become the best version of ourselves, and are more reliable and available for our loved ones.
Self-Soothing Rituals
Because self-soothing is a deep honouring of ourselves and stems from a balanced sense of self-respect, it makes sense to anchor it through lovely and simple rituals. Below is a non-exhaustive list of self-soothing rituals that I practice throughout my week. I see it as a menu of options from which I can choose depending on my circumstances, how much time I have and how much energy is available.
Warmth for Self-Soothing
Warmth is a wonderful element of self-soothing, as it helps us to relax and ease tension. There are so many ways to integrate warmth for self-soothing. For me, being close to a fire and looking at it is deeply soothing. The dance of the flames curling around the logs seems to connect me to my most peaceful and aligned self.
Wrapping up in a blanket also brings me a wonderful sense of security and peace, and I love using hot water bottles or enjoying a warm bath, feeling the tension melting away, bringing me a sense of being held in comfort and safety. Weather permitting, and depending on the season, feeling the sun on my back is something I find deeply soothing. At all times, I like to wear enough layers to feel warm and cosy, and I mostly wear pure wool, which I find very soothing to the touch and very calming.
Gentle Lights for Self-Soothing
If the day has been difficult and I feel wiped out, I know that dimming the lights, or even using only the natural light of candles will be really soothing by supporting me to realign with my natural clock, resting my eyes and nervous system. I have many candles in my cosy corners, and enjoy reading by candle light only. If I can, I make an evening of it, take myself to bed as early as I can to enjoy some peaceful reading in the beautiful golden light. That is always deeply restful for me.
Breathing for Self-Soothing
If you only have 20 seconds to self-soothe, try this amazing mini breath work session: inhale for 4 seconds, exhale for 4 seconds, and repeat a few times. It can make a huge difference to our mindset, helping us to slow down overthinking, to calm panic and to soothe anxiety. 20 seconds are always possible to find, and it’s very affirming to see what a difference these few moments can make.
If you are very busy, you can still self-soothe: put a few drops of your favourite essential oil(s) on a sponge, and keep it near you by your desk or in your car. Sweet orange and lemon are particularly invigorating, offering the smell of sunshine, and they always bring a smile to my face. For more restful times, I use lavendin.
Creativity for Self-Soothing
The benefits of creativity for inner peace and mental health are well documented. It never fails to amaze me how the simple activity of playing with colours and textures, in whatever medium I choose, can completely shift my moods and make the day beautiful.
Over the years I have made the commitment to give as much space as possible to creativity, because I get grumpy without it! For me it is a lifeline and an essential tool in my self-soothing kit. Even just 5 minutes spent on a painting can completely soothe me when I feel agitated and unsettled. Is there something that consistently improves your mood and makes you feel joyful? I heartily invite you to make as much space for it as you can.
Touch for Self-Soothing
The power of gentle self-touch is astounding. Just putting a hand on the back of your neck, cupping your head, holding your own hand, massaging your feet, your ears, your face, preening your scalp... all these simple actions are incredibly soothing and deepen kindness in the relationship to ourselves. Just a few seconds here and there, to remind ourselves, “I am here for you,” and then looking in the mirror, we can see so much tension has melted away, our eyes are brighter, our skin smoother, we look younger!
Taking the time to wash ourselves with mindful attention and thoroughness, trying to make space for self-massage on our arms, neck, legs, lymphatic dry skin brushing... Hygiene rituals are a treasure trove for self-soothing. I love to watch animals taking care of themselves in that thorough and focused way: hens will roll around in dust to clean their feathers, cats spend hours cleaning themselves each day, birds preen their feathers meticulously. Being near an animal grooming itself is actually a very soothing ritual for me.
Stories for Self-Soothing
I love to self-soothe with books and audiobooks: the beneficial power of stories is undeniable for me. Whether fiction, non-fiction, or the stories that I paint, crochet, stitch and imagine, there is something so special and expansive when we enter a wider universe or invite ourselves to see the world through someone else’s eyes. It takes us away from ourselves just enough to allow us to reconnect to ourselves in a beautiful way, finding new perspectives and a fresh way to approach the familiarity of each day.
Moving our Body for Self-Soothing
Here too, whether we have 20 seconds to just get up and stretch or 2 hours to do some housework, go for a walk or a swim, moving our body is deeply self-soothing. Bringing mindful attention to it makes it even more effective: really feeling the air and wind on our skin, appreciating each lungful of air, each step on the ground, the smells around us, the feel of each muscle moving and warming up… using our hands to create something, whether it is a salad or a painting… being very present with each step, each noise that accompanies the process of creating anything with our hands.
Resting for Self-Soothing
When all is said and done, sometimes the only thing that will do is a nap to reset the brain and bring a pause to everything. I dislike long naps as they tend to disorient me, but I am a fan of power naps: 5 to 20 minutes to unplug my brain and completely relax. Over the years I have trained myself to program my brain so that it relaxes deeply and wakes up soon after that.
Sometimes I use visualisation to assist the relaxation process if I am too tense to fall asleep, or if I am in intense pain. I imagine that I am in one of my favourite places, like a field of long grass in the breeze, or a quiet beach. Again and again I have noticed that I get excellent results whether I use power naps or deep relaxation through visualisation: my nervous system completely calms down, the pain recedes, the anxiety is soothed and the overthinking stops.
Another way to self-soothe through visualisation is to keep our eyes open and look at peaceful things: grasses swaying in the breeze, treetops dancing in the wind, water flowing, whether in real life, videos or pictures. I love to paint soothing scenes in tiny formats that people can hold in their hands or keep close to them to assist self-soothing throughout the day.
A Tidy Space for Self-Soothing
The act of shuffling things around, organising, cleaning and decluttering is deeply soothing in itself. I look back throughout my life and see a clear pattern of self-soothing through enhancing my environment and creating systems. This can look any way: organising a shelf, tidying our computer, sorting through our inbox to delete old emails, organising paperwork, cutting old vegetation in the garden, repotting houseplants, organising the wardrobe, doing the dishes... There too, the soothing result is brought by being mindful and thorough, taking the time it takes, and involving our physical body to short-circuit ruminating and worrying.
Fresh Air for Self-Soothing
This one is a winner, provided we dress sensibly so that we don’t get chilled! Fresh air is a game-changer that always helps to redirect our moods and perspective. I hear from so many people that being outside can make a huge difference to their day. I am very fortunate to live in a place of outstanding natural beauty where fresh air is always available just a few steps from my door, and I never take it for granted. Whenever I step out to look at the mosses, lichens, trees and animals, my quality of life goes up by 300%!
I could go on forever about the wonderful possibilities of self-soothing rituals, but hopefully this post will give some useful pointers. What connects all of these rituals is that they bring us back to our physical body so that we can short-circuit the habit of ruminating, overthinking and fretting—when we can do that for ourselves, we automatically self-soothe.
The more we integrate little moments of self-soothing throughout our days, the more practiced we become at being here for ourselves when things get more challenging. That’s why I think self-soothing is a great skill to practice every day, whether good or bad: so that it can be an automatic reflex on difficult days. Please share your self-soothing techniques and rituals in the comments; I am sure we all would love to hear about them!
Until next time, take good care. I wish you much enjoyment.