We all get difficult days, but this year in particular I have seen many people struggle and despair. This week I thought I would share my long-term experience of dealing with difficult days in a gentle and simple way.
Creating rituals and keeping things simple always helps.
Welcoming Difficult Days
“All things are difficult before they are easy.” Thomas Fuller
I know, and I understand, that we just don’t want difficult days to come up. But whether we want them or not, difficult days will inevitably occur. Living with chronic illness, I have daily limitations I cannot avoid or predict. The real surprise is when a day goes a bit better and I don’t feel so bad, but generally I expect most days to be bad ones.
I just do my best with the worst, and over the years, it has become easier to deal with difficult days and find meaning and contentment within that circumstance. To be truthful, although these days are always challenging, they also are a brilliant opportunity to get to know myself even better and to perfect being my own best friend.
Great Tools
I have worked a lot on relaxing with uncertainty, but what has been most helpful was learning to be kind to myself. It took some time and support, and occasionally I forget it, but it is a habit that is very much integrated into my self-care now and which sees me through many dismal and dreary days.
For some, journalling can be of great support through difficult days.
Supporting Ourselves Through Difficult Days
“Start as you mean to go on.” I love that expression and often repeat it to myself, because I have noticed very clearly that the first hour of my day usually decides the tone and direction of the whole day. I avoid switching on any device for at least one hour after I wake up. I just take care of myself, enjoy the morning light while I stretch, rest more if needed, get ready for the day at my pace and avoid immediate overload of information and input. This is my favourite time of the day to do some painting.
Filling our Minds Carefully
I am extremely cautious about what I fill my mind with. From a young age I saw how different kinds of media influenced me and decided to only stay close to and absorb what is supportive, clarifying, inspiring and meaningful. Choosing the right media especially helps me shift things on those difficult days.
A Potted Plant
Looking after just one potted plant (or dozens if you prefer) can be really therapeutic, rewarding us with splendid leaves, growth and a lush presence of green friends. Gently till the earth around the plant with a fork. Dust the leaves with a damp cloth. Remove dead or yellowing leaves. Just a few minutes of that can offer such a deep form of self-care. Speak to your plant, listen to it while it drinks, it makes the most delightful sound! Move the pot around the house to see where it is happiest. If you think having a plant friend is ridiculous and could not possibly help, try it and see, you might be surprised.
Coming Back to Earth
Difficult days can bring on a tendency to overthink and ruminate. It can really help to explore ways of coming back to the body, listening to what it needs and trying to meet those needs. If you can bear it, put on your favourite songs and sing along to help the body participate and channel some energy.
Maybe the last thing we want to do when we feel so low is move or get some fresh air, but if we gently nudge ourselves, we might find that the last thing we want to do is actually the one thing we need to do. We don’t have to run a marathon: one minute of stretching, a few minutes outside, smelling the earth, touching some moss or a tree, can help us to come back to earth.
Pampering
Maybe the word pampering conjures up a spoilt afternoon of spa and champagne, but in my world it just means doing very basic things that I know will make the day easier. I love giving my face a deep cleanse by using olive oil; that only takes 5 minutes, but makes me feel refreshed and calmer. Baths are part of my treatments; as well as soothing the pain and helping me to warm up, they ground me and give me a safe space to collect myself if I am finding the day difficult and overwhelming.
Seaweed baths are incredibly therapeutic and soothing.
Naps
I have often noticed that when everything seems wrong, when I enjoy nothing and generally have lost the will to go through the day, it is simply because I need a short nap to reset my brain. This unplugging plays a vital part in many cultures where they integrate it into their work ethos: just stop and snooze for a few minutes, even if it’s at your desk with your head on your arms. I find it is always an excellent way to redirect the mood of the day and give myself a gentle pause—5 to 20 minutes are enough.
Space Therapy
“What is that?” you might ask. It is the term I use to describe a specific activity with therapeutic purposes: making my living space as pleasant and as soothing as possible. Not only does this make a marked difference in our quality of life, but it also engages us in ways that are productive, rewarding, satisfying and helpful. What’s not to like! I have written a few blog posts about making our living space soothing and supportive, so I will paste the links to those articles at the end of this post.
Helpful Food
The last thing I want to do on a bad day is cook a nutritious meal. I simply don’t have the energy or brain space to manage it. My freezer is a lifesaver in that aspect. There I have homemade soups ready in individual portions, healthy stews, stewed apples, herbs, so I can be assured of supportive and tasty food even when the day is going very badly indeed. Eating well is essential for me and makes a huge difference on those difficult days. Not only does home-cooked food bring vital nutrition and warmth, it also feeds that part of us that needs comfort and safety.
I love making and eating pink food!
Distraction
It took me many years to accept that sometimes distraction can be very therapeutic. I used to just sit and suffer through it, feeling it all fully, believing it would make me a master of my emotions. That made me go into very dark and deep holes that were the opposite of helpful. Gradually I taught myself to use distraction in a therapeutic and mindful way. Knowing that I love stories, I started creating stories with paint, textile, wool, plants, any material that appealed to me.
I started to give myself permission to enjoy other people’s stories, building a great collection of audiobooks so that someone can read stories to me while I create stories with paint and yarn—bliss! It’s healthy to embrace the fact that sometimes, watching episodes of your favourite uplifting series can be the best medicine. I think using the expression “binge watching” is a disservice. Watch as much of it as feels good and trust that you will know when you’ve had enough for one day. No judgement or label needed. All we are trying to do is make the day easier for ourselves.
Asking for Help
If there are too many difficult days, it’s good to consider additional support, whatever that looks like. Maybe more chats with carefully selected friends (not everyone will be available or understanding), or some dedicated therapy sessions where issues can be addressed openly and resolved with the help of an experienced professional who is not personally invested in our life. Reaching out for help can help us make great progress instead of muddling along in isolation and despair.
In a Nutshell
If I had to give just one piece of advice to deal with difficult days, it would be this: be gentle with yourself, as you would be with a bird that has broken its wing or with the tiniest baby who has a sore stomach and can’t sleep. You are just as precious as these little creatures and need just as much loving care. As my friend used to say, “all you have to do is breathe,” so let’s keep it simple, one moment at a time.
How do you like to support yourself through difficult days, and what do you find most helpful?
I wish you much enjoyment!
